Parenting Practices: Self Esteem

This was a little research I did about helping kids have good self-esteem. Basically you get to read through my processing on a topic I have been working on in our home.  Of course in saying this I am assuming:

·         Someone is looking at this blog

·         Someone is actually reading the posts

·         Someone actually finds interest in the inner workings of my brain

Sorry folks, I have high expectations for my readers, and perhaps an over-inflated idea of myself and my blogging adroitness, aptitude, and intrigue.  Either way I am doing it, because I don't want to forget it!

I am adding a couple pictures of things that are helping my kids create a positive self image because a post is not a real post unless there is a picture.

http://www.balletwolcott.com/

http://www.dunlaveybba.com/

This processing comes after reading an article titled, “Helping Children Like Themselves” by James Harris.  I have this concern for each of my children, but Ben in particular.  I also think Aaron and I need apply these in our own lives, and do a better job with them with our children.

1.       Teach your children about their spiritual beginnings and their divine destiny.

·         For me personally this is “God is our spiritual Father and we are His children” and as such we contain within us divine qualities and abilities. For general application, “We come from something greater and as such we aspire to greater heights.”

2.       React positively to your children, minimizing weaknesses or deficiencies.

·         Words can be sharper than a sword and cause lasting damage.  De-emphasize undesirable characteristics and accentuate the positive.  From the article, “We all know of people like the plain girl who has a smile that lights up the world”

3.       Concentrate on your children’s individual strengths, avoiding negative comparisons with brothers and sisters.

·         I’ll never forget the time I was struggling during a tutoring session and my chemistry teacher, who had also been my Father’s chemistry teacher, said to me, “Well, I guess you aren’t your father’s daughter.” 

4.       Allow opportunities for personal growth and encourage your children to do things for themselves.

·         This is where I fail. This is a MAJOR weakness for me.  I have expectations that my kids do certain things for themselves, but there are a lot of things I would rather do for them because I want a better, bigger, faster, prettier, tastier, cleaner etc… outcome. 

·         “Usually parents who over-protect their children and do everything for them act out of good—though mistaken—motives, such as pity or a desire to protect them from any adversity or inconvenience. But sometimes the behavior is self-serving. A mother may attempt to bolster her ego or gain praise from others by demonstrating how wonderful and self-sacrificing she is.  “The potential results are—dependency, lack of self-confidence, limited initiative and creativity, and low self-esteem.”

5.       Boost your children’s feelings of importance and self-worth.

·         This is another major weakness.  I am VERY stingy with praise.  I want my children to be humble, not prideful.  I don’t want them to build themselves up by cutting others down.  (I’m smarter than you attitude)  This is the one weakness that I am not sure how to strengthen, but I do understand the underlying need; a parent should build up, not cut down.  I will have to ponder on the application of it.  Please feel free to share your successes.

6.       Spend quality time with your children.

·         This is one where I have grown leaps and bounds over the past 6 months.  Kids LOVE one on one time.  I used to make a big deal out of it.  We would go somewhere for the day, or eat at a restaurant, or I would buy them something special.  I am now learning that while that can be fun sometimes, the kids love just 10-15 minutes of just sitting and talking.  I have learned so much about my kids this week by just spending a little time, just with them.

7.       Take time for training.

·         As adults we sometimes forget that tasks that seem relatively clear-cut and simple to us may be confusing or overwhelming to a child. It may be necessary to work side by side with him several times until he can proceed confidently on his own. A feeling of competency in assigned tasks will help develop self-esteem.

8.       Teach your children to look for the good in others and to praise others.

·         Hey look, the solution to #5!!!!

·         Fifteen-year-old Carol never seems to have a good word to say about anyone. Her teachers are “stupid”; kids in the neighborhood are “weird”; and her parents “never listen to me” and “don’t understand me.” The words stupid, idiot, gross, spastic, and boring dot her vocabulary continually. Because of her negative attitude, other children avoid her; she is very much a loner.

How does Carol feel about herself? Her negative view of others and of her world may be a reflection of her own poor self-concept. And her speech and poor attitudes invite criticism and rejection, further deflating her already low self-esteem.  It is interesting that people tend to see their own strengths and weaknesses reflected in others.

·         A person with a healthy self-concept is likely to see those around him as individuals of worth; one who hates or distrusts himself is likely to have similar feelings about others. A person with a genuine feeling of self-esteem has no need to cut others down to make himself feel important. Rather, he has an increased capacity to lift up those around him.

9.       Teach your children to look for the good in themselves and not dwell upon their limitations.

·         “Perhaps the best way to teach a child to look for the good in himself is to model this behavior for him. It is good for parents to be able to admit mistakes and honestly say at times, “Boy, I sure goofed this time!” Such honesty need not detract from one’s own self-esteem or from the child’s image of the parent. Children should know that adults make their share of mistakes too. Being casual about a mistake or failure can help to teach a child to accept his own limitations casually. By the same token, an honest recognition that “I like the way I did that; things worked out quite well” can help the child learn to feel good about his own efforts, thus building self-esteem.”

10.   Openly express your love for your children, both in word and action.