This was a little research I did about helping kids have good self-esteem. Basically you get to read through my processing on a topic I
have been working on in our home. Of
course in saying this I am assuming:
·
Someone is looking at this blog
·
Someone is actually reading the posts
·
Someone actually finds interest in the inner
workings of my brain
Sorry folks, I have high expectations for my readers, and
perhaps an over-inflated idea of myself and my blogging adroitness, aptitude,
and intrigue. Either way I am doing it, because I don't want to forget it!
I am adding a couple pictures of things that are helping my kids create a positive self image because a post is not a real post unless there is a picture.
This processing comes after reading an article titled, “Helping
Children Like Themselves” by James Harris.
I have this concern for each of my children, but Ben in particular. I also think Aaron and I need apply these in
our own lives, and do a better job with them with our children.
1.
Teach your children about their spiritual
beginnings and their divine destiny.
·
For me personally this is “God is our spiritual
Father and we are His children” and as such we contain within us divine
qualities and abilities. For general application, “We come from something
greater and as such we aspire to greater heights.”
2.
React positively to your children, minimizing
weaknesses or deficiencies.
·
Words can be sharper than a sword and cause
lasting damage. De-emphasize undesirable
characteristics and accentuate the positive.
From the article, “We all know of people like the plain girl who has a
smile that lights up the world”
3.
Concentrate on your children’s individual
strengths, avoiding negative comparisons with brothers and sisters.
·
I’ll never forget the time I was struggling
during a tutoring session and my chemistry teacher, who had also been my Father’s
chemistry teacher, said to me, “Well, I guess you aren’t your father’s
daughter.”
4.
Allow opportunities for personal growth and
encourage your children to do things for themselves.
·
This is where I fail. This is a MAJOR weakness
for me. I have expectations that my kids
do certain things for themselves, but there are a lot of things I would rather
do for them because I want a better, bigger, faster, prettier, tastier, cleaner
etc… outcome.
·
“Usually parents who over-protect their children
and do everything for them act out of good—though mistaken—motives, such as
pity or a desire to protect them from any adversity or inconvenience. But
sometimes the behavior is self-serving. A mother may attempt to bolster her ego
or gain praise from others by demonstrating how wonderful and self-sacrificing
she is. “The potential results
are—dependency, lack of self-confidence, limited initiative and creativity, and
low self-esteem.”
5.
Boost your children’s feelings of importance and
self-worth.
·
This is another major weakness. I am VERY stingy with praise. I want my children to be humble, not
prideful. I don’t want them to build
themselves up by cutting others down.
(I’m smarter than you attitude)
This is the one weakness that I am not sure how to strengthen, but I do
understand the underlying need; a parent should build up, not cut down. I will have to ponder on the application of
it. Please feel free to share your
successes.
6.
Spend quality time with your children.
·
This is one where I have grown leaps and bounds
over the past 6 months. Kids LOVE one on
one time. I used to make a big deal out
of it. We would go somewhere for the
day, or eat at a restaurant, or I would buy them something special. I am now learning that while that can be fun
sometimes, the kids love just 10-15 minutes of just sitting and talking. I have learned so much about my kids this
week by just spending a little time, just with them.
7.
Take time for training.
·
As adults we sometimes forget that tasks that
seem relatively clear-cut and simple to us may be confusing or overwhelming to a
child. It may be necessary to work side by side with him several times until he
can proceed confidently on his own. A feeling of competency in assigned tasks
will help develop self-esteem.
8.
Teach your children to look for the good in
others and to praise others.
·
Hey look, the solution to #5!!!!
·
Fifteen-year-old Carol never seems to have a
good word to say about anyone. Her teachers are “stupid”; kids in the
neighborhood are “weird”; and her parents “never listen to me” and “don’t
understand me.” The words stupid, idiot, gross,
spastic, and boring dot her vocabulary continually. Because of
her negative attitude, other children avoid her; she is very much a loner.
How
does Carol feel about herself? Her negative view of others and of her world may
be a reflection of her own poor self-concept. And her speech and poor attitudes
invite criticism and rejection, further deflating her already low self-esteem. It is interesting that people tend to see
their own strengths and weaknesses reflected in others.
·
A person with a healthy self-concept is likely
to see those around him as individuals of worth; one who hates or distrusts
himself is likely to have similar feelings about others. A person with a
genuine feeling of self-esteem has no need to cut others down to make himself
feel important. Rather, he has an increased capacity to lift up those around
him.
9.
Teach your children to look for the good in
themselves and not dwell upon their limitations.
·
“Perhaps the best way to teach a child to look
for the good in himself is to model this behavior for him. It is good for
parents to be able to admit mistakes and honestly say at times, “Boy, I sure
goofed this time!” Such honesty need not detract from one’s own self-esteem or
from the child’s image of the parent. Children should know that adults make
their share of mistakes too. Being casual about a mistake or failure can help
to teach a child to accept his own limitations casually. By the same token, an
honest recognition that “I like the way I did that; things worked out quite
well” can help the child learn to feel good about his own efforts, thus
building self-esteem.”
10.
Openly express your love for your children, both
in word and action.
.jpg)
.jpg "http://adventuresinshaw.wordpress.com/2008/05/04/strawberry-rhubarb-pie/")
