Bust a Move Saturday: 5k Failure

Today I am struggling internally.  Right now I should be finishing up a 5k that I signed up for.  Last year I ran in two races and LOVED it.  I loved the training, I loved the race, I loved how my body responded to running.  

I still have a hard time believing this is me.

My internal struggle comes from feeling simultaneously like a failure that I can't do this race today and feeling like there was just no way it was going to be able to happen.  I started training and got out a few times.  Enough to record 13 miles of my trip to Maine.  

But this summer was crazy.  My college class was more intense than I realized.  For three days after it ended my entire body felt rubbery as my muscles relaxed for the first time in 10 weeks.  I was also sitting and writing a lot more than I was accustomed to.  My right shoulder and neck are still fouled up from it.  Right when I was about to intensify my training my sciatic nerve got pinched, badly. 

I am now almost pain free, but I have some tingling and I am worried it is nerve damage.  I am working on the most basic training.  I have to fix my posture.  I have to strengthen my abdominal muscles.  For years I have been using my shoulders as my abs.  Basically my whole right side is a mess.

I don't think I could  have sacrificed that training in order to prepare for a 5k.  But still...there is a racing bib with my name on it (or at least my number) sitting lonely on the registration table.  People who know me are wondering why I am not there.  Strangers who encouraged me to stick with running are thinking, "I guess that overweight 34 year old who started running last year couldn't stick with it." 

I hate to make any bold statements about what I am going to do in the future, but I don't feel like I am done running. 

These pictures are just because I think every post should have a photo and most posts should have a minimum of two photos.