Recently Aaron and I were
having yet another discussion about my ability to make a laundry day turn into
a five day long laundry marathon. The best part of it is when it takes so
long that when I am finished it is time to gather the laundry up and start all
over again. I know I am not alone in this. I hear people say things all
the time about needing a "laundry fairy" or hoping laundry piles will
disappear.
Luckily for me, I married a
laundry fairy (maybe I need a manlier name for him). Aaron has a system
for sorting, washing, drying, and folding the laundry that he has developed to
maximize efficiency. He is a laundry machine (ah there's the brawn), and
I love him for it.
Being the well oiled
machine that he is means that my laundry skills can be frustrating for Aaron. I
think it might be how Lightning McQueen feels when he has to hang out in the
Rust-eze sponsor tent; "I'm a precision instrument of speed and
aerodynamics." Next to, "You know, the Rust-eze Medicated Bumper
Ointment team ran a great race today. And remember: with a little Rust-eze -
and an insane amount of luck - you too can look like me. Ka-chow."
Where were we again.....?
Oh yeah, laundry. Our discussion became about how I react whenever I feel
like I have been criticized. Keep in mind that my definition
of criticism is a little sensitive. I get defensive very
quickly and the longer the discussion goes on the less I talk and I shut
whoever is criticizing me out, whether they know it or not.
That works out fine for outside criticism because I can sit here at
home and grump and complain and move on, but when that criticism comes from
your spouse who is your partner and who is affected by every decision, defensiveness and
stonewalling are not effective forms of encouraging communication.
After a long conversation
trying to figure out why I react the way I do, I came to the conclusion
that I feel like I am working so hard and if you want
to criticize either help me or leave me alone. Aaron fleshed it out
even further suggesting that I have low self-esteem. I didn't wholly
agree with that statement because I know who I am and I know I have worth and
that I have a purpose. So Aaron did some research and found an article
that helped me understand myself so much better.
It hit the nail on the
head. I don't have low self-esteem; I have low self-efficacy. My
fear of failure or humiliation befuddles me and does exactly what the article
suggests. I can remember all the way back into elementary having a fear
of "getting it wrong." I see the same trait in Ben now.
My standards are set too
high so when I don't achieve my goal for perfection all I can see are the
imperfections. I spend far too much time trying to perfect the
imperfections. I am afraid that others
will see my failures and I will be embarrassed for thinking so highly of
something so imperfect.
Logical or not, this is how
I think. I am acutely aware of the flaws and faults in my work so when
Aaron asks for something that needs to change because my actions are having
negative effects on him (running out of undies and discovering it 20 minutes
before he has to leave for work...etc) it just adds insult to my already
self-inflicted wounds.
Knowledge is power. I
am not sure exactly how I will learn to be ok with mediocrity when I know the
standard, but I am beginning to work on it. I think I will go back and
read Elder Dieter F. Uchtorf's talk about
creation.
2 comments:
I react the same way to criticism! Maybe I have low efficacy too! I'll read the article! My daughter is the same way too!
Right there with you, sister! And Jason suffers the same way Aaron does (except he does his own laundry!)
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