Like so many others, I am asking the question, why did this happen? As a compulsive fixer I want to identify a root cause to any problem so I can fix it quickly and simply.  Are guns the problem?  Is public school the problem?  Are video games and screens the problem…? I am certain the solution to the many lives senselessly lost in school shootings the past years is not so simple or concise. 

I cannot condemn any of these things.  A gun did not kill those children.  A person using a gun did.  The stories coming out from the situation in Connecticut are giving great evidence that the educators and administrator were nothing short of stellar.

I am writing this as a mechanism to process the mind numbing emotions, images, fears, and questions I am asking.  For example, do I pull my kids out of school so I can keep them safe at my side?  Has the time come where school is no longer a safe place to be?  I am not asking for answers, rather demonstrating why I am writing and posting this.

So bare with me as I process…I find it therapeutic.  The way I see it, there are a few issues that might contribute to the unhappiness that so many people feel.  First, maybe we should all put down our cell phones, laptops, tablets, smartphones, T.V. remotes or even our newspaper and book and look someone we love in the eyes and have a heartfelt conversation.  Maybe we should stop running around trying to live a diverse and fulfilling lifestyle and realize that we can have that right at home with the ones we love. 

I am not condemning any of these technologies, activities or desires, but we have a unique situation where we have limitless possibilities at our fingertips.  Most of the things we have to choose are good choices and I think a lot of us (me included) get wrapped up too many things because how do you say no to a “good” choice or opportunity.

Sometimes my kids will get so bent out of shape because they had to empty the dishwasher yesterday and it isn’t fair that they have to do it again today.  Or their socks have been crinkled and pinching them all day and that is why they were rude to their friend or brother.  We have had such a wonderful life for so long I think we forget that we have it good.  We have to choose between dance and taekwondo when there are people who have to decide to live as illegal aliens in order to feed their families, or they aren’t sure if the place they call home will even be their home.  My kids wake up in the night because they had a bad dream, other kids wake up because of gunfire or sirens announcing the arrival of some life threatening weapon.  My children are not watching their cousins or parents or friends disappear to some mysterious work camp never to return. We need to remember that no matter how bad we think we have it, there is always someone who has it worse so we can make the best of our situation.

I love technology and its ability to supply me with ideas, uplifting quotes, entertainment and connection to friends and loved ones far away.  It is amazing how far technology has come since I was in high school.  It is accessible to almost everyone and information, entertainment, conversation are available in an instant.  I know people who get frustrated when a page on the internet is loading slowly.  Remember how amazing we thought the internet was, even as we sat there waiting for 6 minutes as a page loaded?  Or even better we would bring up a page and go fold a load of laundry while the page loaded?  The constant, instant stimulation that technology gives us today is literally changing the way our brains work and by golly if you don’t get what you want NOW, get ready for a rant, fit or tantrum.  People are brimming over with anger and frustration because we have come to expect instant gratification.

Another wonderful thing about our society is the freedom to choose.  We are all so liberated and free to be whoever or whatever we want.  We don’t have government officials telling us how to marry, dress, eat or worship.  Unfortunately every good thing we have is abused by so many and the result is that there are a lot of people out there who want things to be a certain way because they have certain rights and in the process they forget their neighbors or friends or family have rights too and neither is important enough to remove the rights from the other.

Finally, I think the media is appalling, and yet here I am contributing in my own way.  But as I sat there reading the stories from Connecticut and looking at the pictures, I couldn’t help feeling disgusted by myself and the media.  I looked at the image of a woman crying and thought how can they be there and invade this poor woman’s privacy and broadcast her grief and sorrow for the whole world to see?  And yet I clicked through all those pictures and went to find more reports on the incident.  The media is entertainment from movie to news.  The media sets the stage for the show, but they wouldn’t put the time, effort and money into the “show” if there wasn’t an audience.  Unfortunately there are some unhealthy, unhappy people out there who want to create drama and the stage is set and ready for their leading role.

For me part of the solution lays in believing in a higher power.  My religion and beliefs help me to see that there is someone or something out there that is greater than myself.  I am constantly climbing up my ivory tower then falling to the ground as I realize that I have been selfish or uncaring.  Sometimes we need to get over ourselves and think about how we are treating others and how our actions affect others.  I think we all need to have the words to one of my favorite children’s songs from my church emblazoned on our foreheads as we discuss politics, religion, or gardening; “Jesus (Buddah, Mother Earth, Ala the Goddess , insert your preference here) said love every one, treat them kindly too.  When your heart is filled with love, others will love you.”

So put aside whatever that pressing matter may be and love those that surround you.  Recognize the amazing lives we have.  Express gratitude for your trials and challenges and how through them you gain strength, wisdom and compassion for others.  And when everything feels hopeless and you feel like no one is listening or no one cares, kneel in prayer and call out to that higher power, even if you don’t know for sure there is one, and know that you are never alone.  You have a Father in Heaven who loves you, wants your happiness and can lift your burdens.  This is what has brought me peace. 

I am not saying that I have perfected this process.  I mostly wrote all of this for myself.  I am guilty of all of the things I listed as possible reasons our society is so messed up, but I do know that if we could all love unconditionally, regardless of belief in a higher power, the world would be an even better place.