Chef Louie

                            

Have I ever mentioned that I am one lucky woman and I love Aaron a WHOLE lot....?

Observation

Today is the second day of warmer, sunny weather, and today alone I have seen a huge flock of robins,  canadian geese, juncos, grackles, and red winged blackbirds; all signs of spring.  I have to wonder, have they been there all along and I am seeing them now because the view outdoors is finally making me happy?  Were they waiting somewhere slightly warmer and when the sun came out they moved into our range?  How do they know it is time to be here?  Have they been nestled in the woods away from view and now they are emerging just like all the people who can finally escape their winter caves?  Deep questions for this sunny, muddy day.

Blue Skies, Smilin' at me, Blue Skies do I see!

That's a Wrap

Today is April 1st and blessed be Vermont has decided to allow Spring to arrive.  Today was bright, sunny, 43 degrees ABOVE freezing and crystal clear blue skies.  So as we bid winter 2014 adieu, here are a few photos of this epic winter.  It started out super icy, then it was frigid, then then snow came, would not stop, and would not go away.

I don't think I will ever stop loving the images of this field.

Nothing like a barefoot morning jaunt in the fresh snow.  If only we had known what was coming...

Then the snow was gone and it was COLD, but beautiful!

But snow came in time for these adorable munchkins to get a Christmas tree

Assisted by there hunky father.  Well hunky to their mother, not them.

Brothers discover love on the tree farm.

Then the ice storm hit bringing beauty and destruction.  It wreaked havoc on our Christmas plans as we were without power, water, toilets, sewing machines crucial for Christmas sewing...the amazing line men worked around the clock to get electricity back in time for Christmas.

I don't have too many pictures of the rest of winter.  Probably because I got so tired of all of it.  I really try not to complain about weather.  There is little we can do to control the weather so we may as well grin and bear it, but this winter drove me near to my breaking point!Or maybe I do and I just haven't gotten them off my camera or synced them to the web.  If I find more I'll add them, but for the sake of getting this published I'll move on.

Hibernation

I feel like a bear coming out of hibernation.  This has been a long winter and I have had some difficult things (herniated disc, low thyroid) that have made me just want to hunker down and sleep all winter.  I even sound like a bear, a fact that I was not aware of previously.

One day this winter school was cancelled and I took the opportunity to sleep in.  Aaron recorded something that he had insisted was real, but I was certain he was over exaggerating.  I have been told I am a heavy breather when I am asleep, but that it wasn't a full blown snore.  Aaron on the other hand has insisted that I full blown snore, wondered if I have sleep apnea, and wondered if my struggles with focus and attention during the day are linked to my sleep habits.  I am not sure why I favored the opinions of others over the statements of the man who sleeps with me every night; maybe because I don't want to be a snorer?
https://drive.google.com/file/d/0B6G6sWhWk-PuaFNCbnZpdEF2ejg/edit?usp=sharing
(sorry folks I can't figure out how to attach this so that it plays automatically.  I welcome your advice!)

Regardless of my desires there is now proof that I snore, and for some foolish reason I feel like sharing that fact.  Every time I listen to it I am incredulous that it is me, and I laugh at how intensely I snore.  I can't decide if I am embarrassed or amused, but it definitely evokes a strong emotion in me.

I have some plans in the works for eradicating the snoring issue. As for the emotional hibernation I have been feeling; every day I feel a little more awake, a little more alive, a little more energized and excited about what the day has in store for me.  The snow banks may be taller than I am, and it might have been below 0 last night, but every day the sun shines and even in frigid temperatures it is beating back the snow.  

 Come Spring, Come!

Speech

When Aaron was young he had that adorable speech impediment that made Rs sound like Ws.  I wish I could have been there to hear it.  Luckily for me he passed that trait down to Jacob so I get to imagine how adorable Aaron must have been as a child.

        I haven't really worried about the speech impediment with Jacob, kids frequently outgrow things like this. Then Jacob was drawing during sacrament meeting at church and Aaron passed the notebook down to show me this:

It is a multi-level space ship.  The top level is the Bridge, followed by the Brig, and then Sick Bay.  Initially Aaron and I chuckled and thought how cute it was.  Then I started to see on papers coming home from school, that the speech impediment was coming through all over in his writing.  The process has begun to get him working with the speech pathologist, and we are working on it at home too.

Masterpiece

When most people take an entire week to create something it is because it is a masterpiece.  For me a week translates to, "I have ADD and I keep meaning to go finish that, but I am cleaning, or knitting, or...oh look a chicken."  So after an entire week here is my masterpiece:

Does it look like it is snowing in this photo?  I have no idea why it is doing that.  I certainly didn't tell it do do that.

He/She/It is taller than Aaron who is 6'1"

He/She/It has a face that perhaps only a mother could love, but it got us outside into the fresh air.  It make us put on our creative caps and think outside the box.  It made us work together.  And I think we probably burned some calories while working on it.  Sounds like a win win situation to me!

Loki

As some of you may know, on Monday Loki and Diogi ran away. This is not uncommon, though we work hard to avoid it happening.  You can’t really take the run out of a husky. 

Time Line:  
12:15-12:30 Loki and Diogi run away
1:30 Real worry begins
3:00 I know something is not right.  They have never been gone this long
4:30 Post on facebook, maybe it is premature, but were covering bases here
8:00 post on Lost and Found Animals of Vermont facebook page
9:00 Neighbors call to say they have seen Diogi
9:15 Leave for Barton Veterinary Hospital
12:15 arrive home with a drugged, but porcupine quill free (mostly) Diogi

All day long I would put a few dishes in the dishwasher and then go out and call.  Then I would do a few more and call again.  I repeated this until the dishwasher was full and then I would go for a drive to call in the surrounding area where I usually would find them.  Then I would come home and repeat.  Clean a few items off the floor, call.  Finish room, drive. 

When I went to get Diogi I called and he came very quickly.  He was covered in snow and was visibly tired, and I could see that his face was full of porcupine quills.   I called around for Loki and the neighbor said that they had only seen Diogi.   I knew that if they saw Diogi Loki wouldn’t be too far off because they are ALWAYS together. I tried a little longer but quickly came to the realization that I had one dog I KNEW needed attention and that Loki would have to wait.

Having recently paid to have porcupine quills removed from the dogs gave me confidence that we could remove them from Diogi to save money.  We were able to remove a few, but there were so many and they were deep and many of them were broken.  Diogi was foaming at the mouth with pain, bleeding on the floor and becoming increasingly agitated.  We admitted defeat/mercy and we headed out to the vets knowing that on top of regular office fees, medications etc…there was an additional charge for an emergency visit.  It took about 2 hours to remove all the quills.

 

The next day it all started again except I did less calling and more driving.  At one point I tried to turn around in a snow bank that appeared to be soft and fluffy like all the others I had driven through. And discovered it was in fact hard packed and I ripped off part of the bumper. 

I spent a lot of time in the area where we found Diogi.  I saw lots of tracks and took it was a sign that Loki was on the move, however when I went out later and walked I saw that most of the tracks I thought were dog from the moving vehicle, were in fact deer and turkey prints. 

While at home I was constantly checking online to see if anyone had any news and every time I passed a window I would check and see if Loki was there.  Needless to say I didn’t get much done. 

When Diogi was feeling better I took him up where we found him and in the bitter cold Noah and I followed Diogi where ever he wanted to go.   Noah couldn’t keep up so I lifted him onto my shoulders.   We got back in the car and I followed dog tracks almost to Lowell on a back road that is not maintained in the winter.   All the dog prints had me holding out hope that Loki hadn't come back because he had traveled too far and gotten lost, but in the back of my mind I also knew that Loki is far more impulsive than Diogi and if Diogi looked the way he did then Loki got it worse.  On top of that he was missing half his brain (Diogi) and it was -10.

At 2:00 I turned around to head home (on a one lane un-plowed road, fun stuff I tell ya.)  My back was aching, my leg was beginning to tingle and I knew I had aggravated my herniated disc.  I had a very distinct feeling that I was risking things that were more important than a dog and it was time to move on.  I had broken the rules that were healing my back, I had damaged the car, the house was a mess, I skipped a church meeting…I rolled up my window and drove directly home and did not try to call Loki again.

When I got home there was an email from Aaron telling me about a very strong spiritual experience he had and that he knew everything would be all right.  Not that Loki was or wasn’t ok, but that it was alright.  The time on that e-mail…2:06.

My biggest concern through it all was that Loki was suffering.  Last night it was -22.  I know now that Loki is either dead and not suffering, or someone has him and they are trying to find his owners.  It feels crass to just stop looking for him, but I can’t function with the constant worry that he might come back.  I needed to close that door and move on emotionally.  I still have hope that Loki is out there, but I have to act like he is dead.

It is so sad to see Diogi who is clearly confused and lost without his brother.  He barely knows how to function without Loki.  I called the dogs several times last night to come clean up scraps and each time I forgot and called out, “Loki, Diogi.”  They are just a pair. 

Last night I was falling asleep while reading to the kids and they began talking about Loki.  Jacob said he was worried and scared for Loki.  Ben said he was too and then said, “Whoever let out Loki is the dumbest person in the world.”  For once I didn’t tell him to use nice words as I realized they were just trying to process these feelings they were having.  Ben then asked, “Mommy, who let Loki and Diogi out, because they are in a way responsible for all this.”  In my groggy half asleep voice I answered that it was me that left the door open.  I was carrying in Noah from the car after preschool because he likes to pretend that he is sleeping so he can be carried in.  Loki made a break for it and I grabbed the fur on his back but he still got past.  They ran across the road and I called them back and for once Loki actually came back to me.  I grabbed for his collar and once again he slipped past.  At this point Loki knew I didn’t have the zapper and that he could bolt without getting punished and off he went, and where Loki goes, Diogi goes.  

I have replayed the scenario over and over thinking, “if only I had…”  I keep thinking of all the times I thought about if we hadn’t gotten Loki things would be easier.  If there was ever a problem with the huskies it was Loki who started it. Sleeping on the couch, getting into the garbage, jumping, running off, playing with skunks and porcupines stealing food of the counters and table; these were all Loki’s doing.  Diogi always tagged along and was always minorly affected in comparison with Loki.  Taking the dogs on a walk was always difficult because three dogs is a lot to handle especially when you have four kids.  Loki scared people who came to the door.  The propane guy didn’t deliver once because Loki scared him, and he was in his kennel and tied up!  

All these thoughts weigh on me now that he is gone.  Like maybe if I hadn’t thought them then Loki would still be here.  Like I kind of wanted this to happen so God made it so.  Loki was Aaron's dog, Diogi is mine.  I feel bad that I got my dog back but Aaron did not and it is my fault.

I know that he was just a dog.  But we got Loki and Diogi when they were less than 6 weeks old.  I trained them.  I woke up all hours of the night to take them out.  I cleaned up after them when they had explosive diarrhea in the house from something they ate on one of their runs.  They are the animals they are because of this family that loves them. Even though they were naughty, they were good dogs because of the love and attention they received in this home.  

I have seen them grow from balls of fluff smaller than our cat to the behemoths they are now.  They are just dogs, but they were also much like my babies.  I learned a lot about parenting and sibling rivalry from teaching Loki and Diogi.  I always knew this was a possibility with pets and we have dealt with it with cats, but it is different with a dog.  Gosh darn it if those pesky animals don't wriggle their way into your heart and then disappear.

So because of my need to move on emotionally I may not respond to inquiries about Loki.  I might change the subject if you ask.   I know it doesn’t even compare to the loss of a spouse, or a child, or even a friend, but nonetheless I am grieving, we are all grieving.   At this point I won’t be updating on facebook.  We can assume that Loki is not back, unless I post otherwise.  And it might be best not to bring it up unless I do.  I just need to stop thinking about it and think about all the people and things I love that are here, now.  

I do sincerely thank everyone for your thoughts, prayers, calls, notes, advice, and help spreading the word.  I am astounded and touched but the outpouring care and concern from people near and far.   We have Diogi because of you.  Thank you.

Jelly Donuts and Your Back

I have found that many people, myself included, are confused about the terms associated with disc problems in the spine.  I could go to my anatomy and physiology textbook or a scholarly journal to describe how the spine, vertebrae, and intervertebral discs work, but as interesting that would be for me, it is unlikely to add clarification on the subject.  Instead let me demonstrate the difference between slipped, bulging and herniated disc through a series of drawings by yours truly.

Here you have a lovely example of two vertebrae in the lower back.  The round flat parts that look like stumps are called the vertebral body.  On the right side in this drawing is the vertebral foramen, which is a fancy name for opening.  This is where the spinal cord passes through as indicated by the tube at the top of the drawing.  As the spinal cord passes through spinal nerves branch off through openings in order to communicate with different areas of the body.  So even though I am having pain in my butt and numbness in my calf, ankle, and foot, the source of the problem is the compressed nerve root in the spine.  In between the two vertebral bodies is the lovely yet elusive intervertebral disc illustrated below as a jelly donut:

It should be noted that is far easier to draw a complex lumbar vertebra than it is to draw a jelly donut.  So the intervertebral disc is like a jelly donut.  The dough is the tougher outer layer (anulus fibrosis) that contains the jelly which is the softer squishier inner layer (nucleus pulposus).

If you were to take two drinking glasses and invert them,with the jelly donut inbetween them, you would have the basic structure of the vertebrae and intervertebral disc.  Like so:

That jelly donut separates the glasses and keeps the fragile glass from clashing, scratching, and breaking.

If you were to exert gentle pressure on the glasses the jelly donut would squish out beyond the edges of the glasses.  If you were to press on the right the jelly donut would compress on the right and compensate by bulging on the left, hence the term bulging disc.  This is not abnormal and is the function of the intervertebral discs.  They allow the flexibility in the spine that allows us to bend, twist and turn.  However when the disc extends into the opening the spinal cord passes through it can irritate surrounding tissues and cause pain and discomfort.  This is called a slipped or bulging disc.  No worries though, the disc is solidly in place and can't actually slip out of place.

If you were to exert a large amount of pressure, say in a fall, the soft inner jelly squirts out.  It might be better to view the jelly as warm mozzarella cheese, but who has ever heard of a mozzarella donut?  Warm cheese would ooze and goo, but would still remain stringy and connected to the inside of the donut.  When the jelly/cheese/nucleus pulposus "squirts" out you have a herniated disc.  The herniation may compress the nerve root rather than just irritating it and you get a lack of communication between the nerve and the muscles etc they innervate, causing twitching, tingling, numbness, loss of reflexes, and movement of those muscles and tissues.

Sometimes the body takes notice of a large herniation and works harder to fix it than a small herniation.   I guess it is kind of like getting a splinter vs a tree branch stuck in your skin.  The tree branch is much more noticeable so we yank it out, whereas a splinter might not be noticed and may fester.  

So there you have it.  I better you never knew there was a connection between your spine and jelly donuts!